Monday, February 28, 2011

Living with Loss

     February has come and gone with no major illnesses in our household! Well, almost anyway.  Our "baby monster" as Parker calls him has come down with a fever & cough these last 24 hours.  All in all this month can be marked as a win, since in the past it has always been our sickest month.  It has been a very busy month of family stuff so I really feel like today I finally got to take a breath.  As this year started I had big plans to organize more, read more, write more, etc.  Let's just say life got in the way.  Is that a valid reason?  Well, it's mine and I'm using it, so there you go.
     My resolution to read more this year was one that I knew was really just a whimsical notion.  It's kind of like saying, "I think I'll learn to speak French this year and take a trip to Paris".  As for that actually happening?  By the time we get 4 kids in bed after long days I would rather spend the few moments left catching up with my husband.  If I do find I might can squeeze in a couple of chapters I inevitably curl up in bed, read about 4 pages, and realize I'm already half asleep.  I know this season of my life will pass and I do not want to wish it away, but as a person who used to pour through books I look forward to the day I can do that again.
     The point of my rambling this evening is that I have finished a book!  I picked it up Friday and couldn't put it down.  I actually had heard of the author through the blog grapevine and you can find her blog here.  Her name is Angie Smith and she lives in Nashville, Tennessee. 

     This book is her journey through the loss of a child.  It was a wonderful refreshment to my soul about how loss effects a Christan.  During my own loss I had so many of the same feelings she did.  I felt very guilty about being sorrowful for the child I never got to hold since I already had a tangible family right in front of me.  People close to me, unknowingly, put off that same vibe when they were around me.  Like I should be grateful for what I do have (which I always have been) and not so sad about what I had lost.  I felt like I immediately should be "back to normal" for the sake of my family, and I shouldn't struggle so much, especially being a Christian and especially since I really had only just found out about the little soul I was carrying.  But it did hurt, and it still does, and that's ok. 
     Well, that's a lot more transparent than I had intended to be, but this book has really put loss and grief in perspective for me.  I wanted to get it all down before my mind is drawn back to bake sales and Dr. Seuss books.  My new mantra for literature is "quality over quantity".  I hope this is just the first of many books I will get the chance to read this year. 

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